Fushuan [he/him]

Huh?

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  • 125 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 1st, 2023

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  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneprotocol
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    8 days ago

    Another exception is when the dev understands the subject too well in a way that distorts their view of what’s simple for them and for every one else.

    Or, it started as an actual simple library that everyone used so the dev kept adding things and it ended up as a huge thing that stopped being simple long ago, but the dev never updated the name.

    If any of you have worked in software dev long enough you know 1 or 2 examples of these two cases :)








  • As a non american, all I know is that it was not that big of a fucking event, people died but with the gravity they talk about it compared to other actual big world events, you’d think that millions died.

    Mind you, I’m not against them being like their stuff was serious, all I ask is about consistency. I’ve been called terrorist jokingly for being from the Basque country by the same people that got super offended by 911 jokes. How fucking dare them.




  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutism rule
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    1 month ago

    I wrote basically this in another comment, they had a hard time recognising their emotional state and held until bursting out. This was way before they were diagnosed though, after a lot of therapy they are much better at identifying their state, or simply they try to keep in touch a lot more so that I can be there for them before they burn out.

    As the neurotypical person in the relationship, my advice is to try to keep in tough more regularly so that your SO can detect if you are halfway through burning out so that they can help you before you become completely unavailable.

    My SO also has generalised anxiety and ADHD, so I usually tell them that when they keep burning out for weeks it’s really painful for me because I feel very left out, which resonates a lot with them. I guess that this helps them to do the effort of keeping me up to date so that I can let them vent, hug them, ask which kind of food they would like to uplift their spirits… and all that stuff before they burn out.


  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutism rule
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    1 month ago

    That’s the thing, communicating stuff before you become upset. For example, my SO used to come from work exausted and used to lie down in the sofa, slept until night, then maybe grabbed some dinner or just slept straight until the next morning. Sometimes we didn’t speak at all in 2 to 3 days because they woke up earlier than me, they then went to work in a hurry, no talking in work because work takes 200% of focus, and then come back home to their date with the sofa, and end up sleeping again before I finish my work.

    Now we chat about our day at lunch even if we are not together and they vent about it whenever they can so that when they come back, I can make some time for them, and they also manage work stress way better than before so they don’t come back utterly exhausted every day. Learning that they could not work in the field they were working and live to tell the tale and taking the time to change fields with my support helped a lot too. The situation mentioned above was before they were diagnosed and they just bruteforced the workday in a super toxic way for them and those around them (me).


  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutism rule
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    1 month ago

    Sorry if I implied I asked all those questions at once. It’s more of a menu where I sometimes asked one or the other. My point was that they just communicated nothing once they broke down.

    Alongside teaching them not to flood you with questions when you can’t deal with them, remember to communicate what you can to them before you break down so that they don’t feel helpless watching you break down without even being able to help or know what’s going on.

    As I answered in other comments, this happened mostly before my SO got diagnosed and didn’t know how to deal with it, now with therapy we both deal better with it so I don’t flood them and they don’t leave me out of the loop of their needs and wants.



  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutism rule
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    1 month ago

    Is there anything I can do for you?

    That’s usually on the menu of stuff that I said, and before they went to therapy it had no effect. You see, autistic people usually don’t express how they feel because they themselves don’t even realise it, and the only realise that they feel bad when they break down. My SO had to go to therapy to learn to identify cues and to learn how to express themselves a bit so that they could vent or ask for help before breaking down.

    We’ve been together for a while so I usually know what they need or they tell me they feel bad way before breaking down, but let me tell you, it was a struggle early on sometimes. It’s hard to see someone you love struggling, but not doing anything to improve because they don’t realise they are hurting before it’s too late, day by day, week by week. We didn’t know they were on the spectrum either early in the relationship so… yeah.

    I was just taking a jab to the meme because that tale of them expressing themselves correctly is not true at all. xD The amount of stuff my SO used to describe as “thing”, multiple times in the same sentence, and assume that I would understand what they meant because of the 5 mental leaps they did in their head that gave them and them only the context needed to know what those "things"s were, and since they understood that meant that I did, obviously… It was quite funny at times.


  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutism rule
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    1 month ago

    It’s hard to feel heard when all you communicate is “It hurts”, that doesn’t really qualify and venting or letting the feelings out.

    It’s quite curious the amount of comments I’ve gotten about people telling me that they just wanting to vent, no shit. Venting usually means… talking, me putting the ear so the other person can talk and vent. I didn’t summarise what they said when they complained in my comment, that was literally it.

    After going to therapy they have gotten much better at expressing their complaints so that they can let out their frustrations. The thing is, autistic people have a hard time knowing how they feel, so venting is actually hard for them, that’s why I was asking questions to help them identify why they felt how they felt and help them know which kind of emotions they should let out. Don’t worry, if I’m going overboard they have no issue in telling me to stop now. It’s been a long journey but after all this time, I usually end up telling them how they feel so they can vent because I do know them well after these years 😅.


  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutism rule
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    1 month ago

    Of course that it seems an interrogation of you imagine me saying all those questions one after each other. That’s just how I phrased the question. The problem is that they simply used to not express their needs and wants before they got to the point where they just couldn’t do it. Mind you, this was way before they started going to therapy and they are getting way better at expressing their needs and wants now so that they don’t break down too often.


  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutism rule
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    1 month ago

    And that’s okay, but that’s not what has been described here. Being the vent ear is cool too, the point where it gets frustrating is when their vent method is to just be completely exhausted and lie down in the sofa until tomorrow when they get exhausted again and repeat… I have to force down some healthier avenues for them to vent and prepare themselves so that they don’t get perma exhausted in work, it just takes some work and some guessing of what they need from my part, because they sure don’t communicate when tired.


  • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.eeto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutism rule
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    1 month ago

    SO: my head hurts
    Me: (pick any1) Where in the head? Any reason why? Did you hit something? Anything that might have caused it so we can buy some medicine or I can cook you something or whatever?
    SO: idk, it just hurts, imma lie down.

    SO: I’m cold, I’m gonna take a hot shower.
    Me: have you tried wearing bulkier clothes? A blanket?
    SO: no. takes the third shower of the day $$
    Me (later that day or in another day): force them to wear more clothes and throw a blanket at them in their chair
    SO: oh, this is nice uses the blanket every day now

    Me: How was your day?
    SO: Bad.
    Me: Anything out of the ordinary that you want to share to share the pain?
    SO: No, its just bad.
    Me: Do you want to watch anything, eat anything special?
    SO: imma lie down.

    Sorry but no, i know that they aren’t vague intentionally but they are not clear at all when expressing their needs.